Classroom Research: Assessment of Writing Skills – Use of Evidence
Method
The same readers who scored the papers for thesis also scored them for use of evidence. The evidence rubric, however, consisted of three, not five, categories, and was designed to measure students’ ability to use evidence effectively, which, when translated into practice, includes the ability to organize and structure paragraphs well. Just as with the thesis scoring, each paper was a free-standing essay for both readers, who did not know to which assignment papers corresponded nor which essay belonged to which student. Readers were asked to consider only the papers’ performance with respect to its use of evidence with the hope of collecting the most reliable data possible.
Rubric
What follows are brief descriptions of each of the three categories from the scoring rubric for use of evidence (for the full rubric, click here). The descriptions are accompanied by entire paragraphs excerpted wholesale from student essays for the purpose of exemplifying each category. In order to simplify the discussion for the reader, all paragraphs are excerpted from assignment II in which students were to critique American notions of success by discussing Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman and two other texts from the course. Paragraphs examined here all cover the way students saw the problem of success handled in Death of a Salesman.
Evidence Level 3: “ . . . will consistently structure paragraphs around evidence that supports the main argument or insight of the paper (its thesis) well. . . . evidence will be given context . . . [and] discussed in sufficient detail so that a reader will easily see its relationship to the main point of the paper.”
Both readers awarded essay 211233 a score of 3 for its use of evidence. Supporting a thesis that Americans are often so worried about the appearance of success that they will dissemble to maintain a façade even at their own peril, paragraph five turns to a discussion of Biff and Willy Loman from Miller’s play:
Americans are frequently willing to stake their fortunes on
exaggerated, or even false, prospects. Much like the Texan ghost towns
described by Laurence Shames, those in pursuit of the American Dream often
spend time creating ornate façades to draw speculators rather than focusing on
making something of substance. A building, however, is only as stable as
its foundation, and dreams built on delicate lies are bound to collapse.
By defining himself through others’ eyes, Willy Loman not only destroys his own
life, but that of his son, Biff, who invested in Willy’s lies and lost a great
deal in his speculation. Biff explains that he has been such a failure in
life because his father inflated his ego so much that he “could never stand
taking orders from anybody” (Miller, 105). After decrying his father for
being a liar and a failure, Biff instructs him to “take that phony dream,” the
dream of Biff becoming a successful businessman, “and burn it before something
happens” (Miller, 106). Indeed, Biff’s life and ambitions crumbled the
day he found out his father was a liar. He travels to
This paragraph is structured well. After introducing the reader to the paragraph with a solid topic sentence, the writer synthetically connects the discussion to another text (Shames’s “The More Factor”) before getting down to the business of showing how the façade of success Willy Loman creates for himself and those around him results in his and his family’s undoing. The writer demonstrates competence in working with sources in three specific ways. First, each quotation is contextualized appropriately so that it fits smoothly into the writer’s prose. Second, the writer demonstrates a facility in working with source text by weaving quotations into his own writing (e.g. sentence “After decrying . . .”); paraphrasing Miller accurately (e.g. sentence “Indeed, Biff’s life . . .” ff.); and quoting and citing full sentences accurately (e.g. “In the end, . . .” ). Finally, the author knows how to discuss evidence appropriately so that the reader can see the connection to the paper’s thesis. Notice, for example, how the final sentence of the paragraph summarizes the penultimate sentence and connects its force to the main thrust of the paper. The result is a paragraph that successfully appropriates Miller’s text to support the essayist’s conclusions about success in American and how it affects people.
Evidence Level 2: “ . . . will contain noticeable organizational flaws and struggle in spots to persuade the reader of the writer’s ideas. . . . A level 2 paper will also struggle to integrate evidence in a fully effective manner . . . [it] will impress one as needing more organization and it will lack the force of persuasiveness of a level 3 paper.”
Essay 110217, “American Illusions,” discusses a topic very similar to essay 211233 above, i.e. that the appearance of success is so important to Americans that they feel compelled to do whatever necessary to show others that they have, in fact, achieved success. Paragraph four of the essay supports this idea in the following manner:
This same type of struggle for material success is portrayed in Arthur Miller’s, Death of a Salesman. The main theme of Miller’s play centers around the portrayal of a family who lives life for money and the problems associated with such a lifestyle. The troubles or hardships related to a life that is motivated by pursuit of money driven success are issues that are rarely discussed or accounted for among young Americans. Happy, one of the main characters, fits the young American model perfectly. His perceptions and goals regarding life and success are developed solely through his relation to his father. One specific example in the text is when Happy is talking about the merchandise manager and he says:
He can’t enjoy it once it’s finished. And I know that’s just what I would do. I don’t know what the hell I’m working for. Sometimes I sit in my apartment – all alone. And I think of the rent I’m paying. And it’s crazy. But then, it’s what I always wanted (12).
As seen by this quote Happy never really accepts his situation and he seems to be able to lie to himself so that he doesn’t have to realize the true reality of the world around him. Which is a similar [sic] to that of many Americans today who get caught up in false perceptions and thereby cause themselves to overlook the reality of life and the hardships of achieving monetary or material success.
On the one
hand, there are some definite flaws in this paragraph. The first part of
the paragraph is choppy (e.g. it is difficult to see how sentences 2, 3, and 4
are connected), revealing the writer’s struggle to connect ideas from Miller’s
play to the theme of the paper (success in
Evidence Level 1: “ . . . will suffer from serious organizational flaws such that comprehension is difficult or impossible. . . . evidence will mostly be left to ‘speak for itself.’ A level 1 paper will also struggle to integrate evidence in a meaningful way. Irrelevant quotations or examples may be cited . . . [or] evidence may be ‘dropped in’ . . . to show the instructor that the writer used quotations.”
Although difficult to parse out and faulty in logic, the thesis of essay 909210, “The Loman Effect,” seems to argue that the conflict that arises between the American myth that hard work always yields success and the reality that hard work does not always result in success results in individuals becoming consumed with success. Paragraph 5 of the essay addresses this thesis in the following way:
A perfect example of this can be found in Author [sic] Miller’s Death of a Salesman. Willy clearly works hard everyday [sic] in the quest for success, but he is unable to achieve his goal. He is driving and working so long that he continually gets in car accidents, because he had fallen asleep behind the wheel. As the play continues Willy becomes more depressed and longs for some hope of success. He believes, like many Americans, that success is his for the taking and he only need work hard enough to achieve it. He not only believes this to be true about himself but also of his children. Willy is always trying to convince Biff that he “shouldn’t be so modest” (Miller 48) because he was capable of great things all he had to do was work for them. The problem was that they weren’t destined for greatness and no matter what they did they would never achieve it. During Willy’s whole life he had believed the myth that he and any other who want [sic] success could have it they only need work hard enough [sic]. When after an entire life of trying for success though [sic] hard work and dedication failed, Willy Loman ended his life. His death is an attempt to get the reader to realize that chasing the American dream to no end will consume you.
While one can see that the above paragraph is attempting to discuss the problem that results when a person works very hard but still does not achieve success, the paragraph is nevertheless fraught with difficulties and errors. Most of it consists of little more than a string of remarks about the play that remain unsubstantiated and hence raise doubts in the reader’s mind about their accuracy. Indeed, the only evidence brought to bear on the discussion is the short mid-paragraph quotation that unfortunately neither substantiates any of the writer’s claims nor contributes to the discussion in any meaningful way. Rather, it seems dropped in to satisfy the requirement that formal papers include quotations from sources. The net result is a paragraph that demonstrates the writer’s incompetence in appropriating another’s text as evidence for one’s claims. Thus, the combination of awkward, error-ridden prose and the failure to cite any meaningful evidence resulted in both readers’ awarding this paper a 1 for its “use of evidence” score.